Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize