he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
