hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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