Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
