Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
