You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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