I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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