She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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