Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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