like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
