I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
