just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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