Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
