A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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