She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
