I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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