Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
