I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
