I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
