Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
