Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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