i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
