Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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