i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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