my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
