I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
