she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
