At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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