I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
