I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
