Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
