Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
