He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Vodka?
Forever.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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