He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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