I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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