he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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