You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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