Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
