I can text with my tongue
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
