your room smells of hookers.
And success
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
As shirtless as possible
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I believe in your delicious
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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