Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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