just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My vagina just clenched in fear
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
