He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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