you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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