Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
