I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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