So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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