tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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