I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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