3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
