did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
