if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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