I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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