i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
wat bout pragnant strippers??
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
