Having a random hookup so left but love u
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
