Nicole vs. Life
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
