My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize