I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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