I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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