I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
