I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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