Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
