So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
