Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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