God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This is not my ceiling
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
