You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize