By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
