i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize