Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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