walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
