i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
